MAY THE 4TH be with you!
The day is upon us folks! I’ve closed up the carpet shop for the day to observe this day of near-religious proportions. If any of my idiot customers ignore the giant closed sign on my front door and decide they want to waltz on in, I’ve set a tripwire up that launches a bunch of LEGO Tie Fighters at them. I’ve also got a real lightsaber. Don’t ask how I got it.
Figure 1: Diagram of Crazy Davis’ Crazy Carpets fortifications
Anyhoo, how am I celebrating May the 4th? I’m glad you asked. Every now and then, I dabble in a bit of light reading. Air conditioner manuals, labels on sauce bottles and the Communist Manifesto. But as you may have surmised, comics are my jam, and when I found out that Star Wars comics were a thing, I was happier than I was when I sold my first throw rug.
So that’s how I’m celebrating this May the 4th; Smashing Star Wars and Comic Books together and sifting through the rubble! As such, this undertaking can only be split up into five parts.
Yes, five! I told you something special was coming, didn’t I?
Now listen up, strap in and unsheathe those laser swords, ‘cuz we’re gonna get right into it.
There’s no doubt that the best thing to happen to Star Wars in recent years is Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Truly a fantastic and powerful series that, dare I say, would be on par, if not better than Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren.
But I’m not going to talk about either of them. Not yet at least.
Instead, I’m gonna take you back. Waaaaay back…
Fifteen years ago, before Ahsoka, before Kylo Ren and even before Babu Frik, the Clone Wars was regarded in a very different light. In fact, it wasn’t very light at all. It was an edgy, bleak and frankly quite depressing era in the grand continuity of Star Wars tales.
This precursor to the more lighthearted Clone Wars we know today featured in many comics published by the appropriately named company Dark Horse. These comics have been retroactively declared non-canon when Mickey Mouse bought the rights to the Star Wars franchise in 2015, so the stories depicted in these comics technically never happened.
But by no means does that make them any less badass.
Figure 2: Legends stories are everything that came before excluding the 2008 Star Wars: The Clone Wars series. Canon Star Wars stories are any Star Wars media produced after being brought by Disney in 2015 and all of the films.
Star Wars: Obsession is one of these stories and hoo boy, it is a doozy.
I’ll be breaking each issue down one by one so the story can tell itself rather than giving you a synopsis. So let’s get right into it.
Side note: This story takes place five months before Revenge of the Sith, just so you can get your heads around its place in the timeline a bit better.
We open on a thrilling swoop bike chase through a swamp with no Shrek in sight. However, a bunch of green skinned ogre looking types are chasing a mysterious masked rider. On of them asks if he’s worth all this trouble and his fellow ogre says he’s carrying a lightsaber, which would be enough to buy a whole fleet of swoop bikes! So the masked rider continues to flee towards the large city built on the swamp as the ogres relentlessly pursue their living paycheck.
The masked rider yells “Move!’ as he approaches a drawbridge over the swampy waters full of civilians. They flee the bridge as the masked rider tilts his swoop bike underneath the bridge at the last possible second, skimming the water and emerging on the other side unscathed.
One of his pursuers fumbles the same maneuver and sends the bridge up in flames.
The surviving ogre chases the masked rider towards a jetty. The masked rider’s bike leaps off the swoop bike as the ogre guns it down. He crashes into the ground but uses the momentum to spring back up onto his feet. The masked rider says “You should have let me pass through the swamps unchallenged.” as he reaches for his lightsaber. The ogre replies “Shut up and die.”
They charge forward on their swoop bike. But the masked rider is faster. He ignites his lightsaber and slashes the ogre in half, causing their bike to career off the jetty and into a tree, erupting in a massive fireball. Some ruffians approach the masked rider, who senses their presence without turning around.
Just who is this masked badass?!
Needless to say things go badly for this ruffian as the masked rider sends him flying through the window of of a nearby tavern. Most of the patrons scatter except for one, a blue skinned Twi’lek woman. She pulls down her hood and accuses the masked rider of stating that they were going to make a subtle entrance into the city. The masked rider takes off his mask and who could it but none other than Obi-MotherEffin’-Wan Kenobi. In a hood! And some dope ass armour! And looking a little worse for wear.
Obi Wan says the swamps were almost too hot to handle and asks Master Aayla Secura to cut to the chase. She informs Obi-Wan that powerful weapons dealer named Xist is providing intel to the bad guys that is pertinent to Obi Wan’s mission. Aayla suggests to Obi-Wan that he seek the help of his former apprentice Anakin Skywalker but Obi Wan wryly states he is sure Anakin wouldn’t want to be disturbed
This is very much the case, as we cut to Anakin landing his ship at a private palace on Naboo which belongs to his secret wife, Padme Amidala. Anakin tells her they have ten whole days to hang out, so they mark the occasion with a big ol’ kiss. Adorable.
Meanwhile, back in the exciting part of the galaxy Obi-Wan Kickass-obi assaults the fortress of Xist. Obi-Wan duels and beats him as he proclaims he is looking for none other than Asajj Ventress, Count Dooku’s Force-wielding assassin that was presumed dead. Xist reveals he has heard rumours of her survival too.
On Naboo, Padme and Anakin are having a much more civil conversation about how the Clone Wars are coming to an end.
“My Friend.” Yeah right. Let’s see how friendly he is after he slices your legs off.
Smash cut back to Obi-Wan and Xist. They’re sipping some space wine as Xist tells Obi-Wan of a hit being called on some Correlian billionaire, with “Dooku’s best assassin” supposedly on the job. Despite being a vague and misleading tidbit, Obi-Wan decides to take this gangster’s word for it. It’s not as if he’s a criminal who’s providing weapons to your enemy, right?
He asks for a permission slip from the Jedi Council to keep trailing Asajj. They tell him to just get on with it already so he can get back to the front lines. Aayla gives him her starfighter and Obi-Wan goes off to play gooseberry with Anakin, dragging him away from his secret wife to search for a girl that’s probably dead.
How great was that? And it’s only issue one!
What a rush. This is possibly my longest post yet, I sure hope it was as fun for you as it was for me.
I’ll be back for issue two some time next week so don’t touch that holo-dial!
May the 4th be with you, always. At least until next year.
Shut the Force Up,
CD
WORLD OF MADNESS 