First issues are always hard to gauge because it’s merely an introductory snapshot to the series’ story, characters and general vibes. And I gotta say, I’m pickin’ up with what this new flavour of Batman is laying down. This Fresh Prince of Bat-air prowls a Gotham that has been taken over by the Magistrate, a heavily armed and licensed-to-kill police force that’s targeting anyone with a mask. That’s bad news for Gotham, which is literally full of masked bozos, well-intentioned or otherwise.
In this issue Batman saves the life of two young boys who are mixed up with a gang who wear Bane masks by ripping their masks off and beating up the rest of the gang all while dodging the police. It’s your standard Batman fare of appealing to the troubled youth, but with the added zinger of evading the thought police! The Po-Po often look the other way when it comes to Bat-antics, but its a compelling choice to have them serve as a looming antagonist in this new techno-dystopian Gotham.
You ever heard of Tron Uprising? Because I am also I’m getting strong Tron Uprising vibes from this. And that’s the one of the highest compliments I can pay any form of fiction. Seriously, go watch Tron Uprising.
Oh yeah, and go read the first issue of the brand new Batman series under DC’s Future Slate event. It reminds me of Batman: Year One, but with a bluesy new twist.
I’ll be honest with you folks, it’s been a tumultuous time for your old pal CD. Both imagined plights and real. But I’m not here to tell you to give up hope. Quite the opposite. I’m telling you now is the time to seize the day, chase the dragon, get the cat hair out of the carpet, that kind of jazz.
Henceforth, I will be seizing said day and going forth to expand my media empire! What does this mean, exactly. I’ll tell you exactly what it means. It means I’m starting a podcast!
Now before you roll your eyes, hear me out. Practically all of my posts here have been delivered in my voice. But you can’t exactly hear it, can you? Unless you’re as crazy—erm—imaginative as I am.
So I’m trying at my hand and diving in to the realm of the interwebs to literally make my voice heard. This includes the podcast, a YouTube channel and even a Twitter account. The only next step is making content to fill it all up.
So that’s what I’ll be turning my attention towards. Making a bunch of fresh wacky new content for you all to enjoy or just turn on in the background when you’re jogging or in a University lecture or something. Not that I’m advocating listening to me instead of your educational institution…
Thanks to any and all of my fans out there. This is a whole new world for me and one that I feel slightly under equipped for. But I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t care about my adoring public or the stuff I write about, so here we are.
This isn’t a goodbye to this blog either. I will return here periodically to discuss things in writing-style rather than talking-style. Or to publish bits and pieces of my musings. But I think in order to spread my wings, I gotta dedicate my assets to other platforms, for the greater good (The Greater Good).
The future is bright for Crazy Davis, Hope you stick around to see it.
Heading Into The Unknown, CD
PS How good does Tenet look? I’m seeing it tomorrow. I’m sure it’s peripherally related enough to comic books that I’ll have an excuse to talk about it. Anyhoo, Ciao!
Good grief folks, I haven’t been this excited about a Batman story since Dark Nights: Metal and lemme tell ya, that one was a doozy.
Look, maybe it’s just because this is pretty much the only information we’ve received since the damn film was announced, but I can say with confidence that it has been well worth the wait to actually see a snippet of what we’re gonna see. And at the risk of repeating myself, it’s one hell of a snippet.
I mean, the only possible thing that could make this better would be-OH MY GOD IT’S DRAWN BY JIM LEE THAT’S IT IT’S PERFECT, HANDS DOWN!
The energy of this piece emanates the pure essence of Batman, and it makes me feel like an edgy twelve year old again in all the best possible ways. Everything from the eyes, to the gargoyle to the cape is just an absolute chef’s kiss to a bowl of delectable Batman soup. And it’s a soup that I’d actually consider having for once (I’m a fussy eater).
The other good news is that we can reasonably expect a trailer to come out soon! That’s what the DC Fandome thing in the bottom left is for, it’s basically an online comic-con but for DC stuff. And you can bet your Batman-dollar I’ll be tuning in to see at 1 am on a Sunday. That’s the sort of dedication you can expect from me, Crazy Davis!
So yeah, I’m excited, you’re excited, the whole world should be excited! And while I’m well aware this is like the 7th or 8th Batman reboot we’ve seen, I think this one will be a cut above the rest. Here’s hoping!
I’ll see you soon to discuss my hopes and aspiration for The Batman.
Ugh, even the name is cool. The Batman. I could say that all day. You know what, I think I will.
IF YOU KNOW anything about Crazy Davis by know, it’s that he loves comics!
Sci-Fi, Superhero, even Tintin comics! Big or small, I’ve read ’em all.
Well, almost all of them. Until last week or so, the Umbrella Academy series was one of them.
But I’m very glad to say that now I have indeed read every issue available of the Umbrella Academy comic book series and it was a blast from start to finish. So now, and only now, do I feel like it’s only right to give that new Netflix series a try. How bad could it be?
…
Yeah it’s fine, I suppose.
I’d like to clarify first and foremost that I haven’t finished the series yet. Hell, I’m not even up to Season 2. So no spoilers, y’hear? Otherwise I’ll bar you for life from me carpet shop. And trust me when I say you don’t wanna miss the deals I’ve got coming up this summer!
Where was I? Ah yes, the Umbrella Academy. The series. The TV series! Always a pleasure to see a comic get the television adaptation over a movie, for reasons I have made abundantly clear beforehand. But if I’m being honest with myself, I think I went into the show with measured expectations and as such, I haven’t strictly been blown away thus far.
Now before you raise your pitchforks, let me make my stance clear: I don’t hate this show. I’m enjoying it quite a bit and I’m interested to see how it’s gonna progress. I think I’m about seven or so episodes into Season One and it’s very intriguing.
However, when it comes to being a comic book adaptation and bringing to life the aspects of the comic book I so readily enjoyed, it skips a few beats that make me a teensy bit irritated. Not enough to write off the show, but enough to compel to make a stand and say some things from the comic I really wish the show decided to include.
I gotta say it, but the Academy’s costumes in this show are pretty lackluster. It’s barely a step up from the whole X-Men bundled up in black leather phase from the early 2000’s. The Academy’s costumes in the comic are iconic silhouettes that make distinct visual statements about their characters. Spaceboy AKA Luther AKA Number ONE is basically Soldier: 76 with Winston’s body, The Kraken, or ‘Diego’, as the show hasn’t used his badass codename from the comics yet, has a striped shirt with a skull and crossbones, long blond hair and a fierce set of stubble. Furthermore, Diego’s power in the comics is that he can hold his breath indefinitely, making him a gritty, knife-throwing Aquaman, to quote Gerad Way (the original writer of the series, who also co-created Peni Parker & SP//dr!). I much prefer the comic incarnation of the character. The show’s portrayal of him is good, but I feel there’s more that could be done with him.
I certainly feel that way about Allison AKA Rumour AKA Number Three. So far I’ve only seen her use her power once in the bank robbery scene, whereas she uses it frequently and bodaciously in the comics when she uses it to defeat the Lincoln Memorial, which sprung to life and began attacking Washington:
Funnily enough, this was only the second monument the Umbrella Academy kids destroyed. But it wouldn’t be the last president that Rumour would assassinate…
A choice that the show made in establishing her as the celebrity and most glamourous of the Academy is something I’m warming up to, but again, I think her depiction in the comics is a more realistic trajectory for her character. She also is divorced from her husband and has lost custody of her daughter, but she’s more downtrodden and listless in the comic, which I think is more on par with her actions of manipulating her husband with her power.
I could go on about the things neglected from the comics but I’ll change my tune for your sake and talk about the stuff from the show I really like.
I believe Klaus is a better character in the show than he is in the comics. I also just realised that this is the second show Robert Sheehan has been in where he can talk with dead people. Does anyone remember Misfits. Now that was a ‘superhero’ show with a different tune. Anyhoo, Klaus is great in this show. He’s vibrant, complicated and very sympathetic. It was a neat choice to have him be the only one to travel back to Vietnam, as in the comics he, Diego and Spaceboy are stranded with him. Five is basically the same but a tad older, which is an understandable choice and Vanya seems to be getting a lot more attention than she’s given in the comics. She’s pretty much just the villain of the comic book’s first arc and judging by the title of the Season One finale, I look forward to seeing how the show portrays the “White Violin” herself.
What’s left to say? Umm… I like Pogo, the chimpanzee butler. He’s also got an expanded role from his comic book counterpart it would seem. And the circumstances of Ben’s death and his powers very much intrigue me. Looking forward to more of Ben AKA Number Six AKA The Horror. I just love his power. Being able to release an eldritch abomination or two would really drive up sales down here.
So with all hat said and done, I think I’m done wagging my chin about the Umbrella Academy. It’s time to jump back in and binge it! I hope you enjoyed what I had to say about the series and I reckon if you like it too, why not give the comic book a try?
Stay out of the Rain,
CD
PS: Recommended Reading
The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite
The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
The Umbrella Academy: Hotel Oblivion
THE MANY YEARS I have spent reading comic books have taught me one thing: Superman’s costume looks way better without the red underpants.
It’s also taught me that some supervillains are just as compelling as their superhero counterparts, and in some cases, even more so.
I’m not gonna tell you that old cliche about “every villain being the hero of their own story” because it’s redundant and very obvious. But I would like to talk about why we find it so compelling.
In fact, I would go as far to say that some supervillian origins are actually pretty damn good, if not better, than superhero ones. They kind of have to be in order to convey a somewhat decent motivation for going crazy, slipping on an animal themed costume and attempting to kill a brightly coloured wise cracking crime-fighter for decades. And that’s kind of unsettling.
It really makes you stop to think about certain supervillain origins and reflect on how tragically intricate and heartbreaking they can be. Or even just beautifully simplistic to the point where it seems like a genuine thing that an average person would decide to do one day. We all have a breaking point, after all.
The chief example of a practically perfect supervillian origin is of course, Mister Freeze. I’m sure some of you more savvy readers of this blog thought of him first too. Depending on the incarnation, the tragic tale of Victor Fries (Yes, it’s pronounced “Freeze”) is one of heartbreak, desperation and woeful denial of reality. All Mister Freeze wanted to do was save the life of his cryogenically frozen wife, but a system of abuse, neglect and a freak accident thrown in for that comic book flavour turned him into a relentless killer, determined to achieve his goal by any means necessary, losing his very humanity over the course of his futile quest. I’m not crying, you are.
On the completely different end of the spectrum is the origin of Spider-Man villain, the Shocker. While probably not as renowned as one Mister Freeze, Shocker remains to this day as one of my absolute favourite Spider-Man villains due to the fact he’s just so utterly… basic.
Let me finish: The Shocker’s simple nature is so appealing to me because he really is just the every-man of supervillains. Think Ant-Man from the MCU but without the heroic motivation of providing for his daughter, instead being motivated by pure lust for the almighty dollar.
Shocker is the antithesis of your grandiose and tragic villain like Doctor Doom or Thanos. He doesn’t want to take over the world or balance the universe’s population, nothing like that. He just wants to rob banks with tech that he built himself and that’s it. He’s a clean template for any writer willing to use him in their stories and he’s ripe for a plethora of different interpretations. It’s a shame about the name though, but he was called the Shocker before the internet.
So, taking all this into account, I believe the perfect supervillain origin should lean towards either the Mr Freeze or Shocker territory. Tragic or simple. If you want to get it any more complicated than that, then any villain you make has to stand in direct contrast to their hero in order to portray a captivating dynamic. This is where we get into Joker territory.
Hoo boy.
Now, I haven’t seen his latest movie and I really don’t want to. Not because I’m squeamish or I think it’s ‘problematic’, but purely because I don’t think it pays any heed to its source material and completely misinterprets the character or at least uses him as a stand in for other social issues that he’s only peripherally related to.
The Joker is a definitive example of why a supervillain doesn’t need a good origin to be an amazing character. The only thing they do need is a nemesis that is the complete opposite of them. Think about how many times you’ve seen a Batman origin on the screen. The list goes on. Now think about how many times we’ve seen the Joker’s origin on screen, and if it’s even comparable to the depths that Batman’s origins have been explored. It’s not even close, and that’s the way I believe it should be.
Joker’s nothing more than an agent of chaos with a sick sense of humour. At times, he represents the peak of crime in Gotham, just as Batman represents the peak of justice. And while there have been stories about Joker’s solo adventures, barely any of them have been about his origin, because that is not why we like the Joker. His origin is not what makes him interesting. Any origin stories he has had have always featured Batman or the Wayne family in some capacity. The latest Joker movie is perhaps the most conceited and tacked on way its been done yet, with Thomas & Martha Wayne being murdered in what, the last five minutes of the film?
It doesn’t take a genius to tell you that supervillains only exist because the superheroes need someone to beat up. But it takes a maniac like me to tell you that some supervillains out there have redefined what it means to be an antagonist to the point where they are just as compelling and artfully constructed as any protagonist. Black Manta. Doctor Octopus. Even Bizarro. I could go on all day, but I feel like I’ve rambled for long enough.
Basically, you don’t need to try too hard when thinking of a supervillain origin. But if you happen to latch on to a good idea, it’s a win-win situation for both reader and writer.
The fearsome lunulated lunatic has been kickin’ ass and taking names in the pages of Marvel comics since the ’70s. He’s enjoyed a reputation as being one of the most flexible and experimental heroes out there.
For the most part, his characterisation remains consistent as a mercenary named Marc Spector who was left for dead in an Egyptian temple and resurrected by the god of the moon, Khonshu. Returning to the Big Apple, Spector adopts the mantle of Moon Knight to honour his god and fight crime. Where it gets interesting is the inclusion of the characters Steven Grant, a wealthy entrepreneur and Jake Lockley, as humble taxi driver.
In a unique take on the concept of a superhero’s secret identity, Both Steven and Jake are in fact separate personalities within Marc’s mind in a form of dissociative identity disorder. His mental state also raises the question of whether or not he’s speaking to the actual Khonshu or another persona his mind has created, a question that has been explored over the character’s fascinating and mind-boggling history.
Personally, it boggles my mind that we’ve gone for this long without a live action adaptation for this fantastic character. Until now.
That’s right, Moon Knight is officially getting his very own Disney+ original show. my salvation has at last been delivered in my time of need. At last, an entire TV show dedicated to the Fist of Khonshu himself.
But is this a blessing a disguise? This is a Disney+ show we’re talking about, and I’m telling you now, the stories of Moon Knight haven’t made an effort to be particularly family friendly, to say the least.
While I am eternally grateful he’s been granted an adaptation by our overlords at Disney, I am also slightly apprehensive. Can Disney deliver a satisfying portrayal of my boy in white while also keeping things PG?
For starters, I don’t think it’s impossible to have the best of both worlds. The Mandalorian is a great example of having a no-holds-barred and gritty take on an established universe without relying on too heavily on extreme gore to convey its mature tone. I’m hoping they lean towards shows like The Mandalorian in terms of its tone.
However, I have prepared a short list of things that I hope the creative ‘wizards’ at the House of Mouse do not decide to do:
Simplify it to the point where it’s nothing more than a watered down version of Netflix’s Daredevil. That show works as its own entity, and trying to replicate its tone but without its mature themes and violence would be a misstep as it would undermine Moon Knight’s own violent history as well by being a censored copy of a standard supershow show, like Arrow.
Improperly balance the supernatural and the realistic elements of the character. Moon Knight has been known to fluctuate from religious fanatic to hyperviolent vigilante, so I’m hoping the show can strike a balance between the two worlds that define Moon Knight. I am hoping for a ton of Egyptian iconography and the logo seems to hint at that, so I think we should be right for that. But I’m also hoping Marc’s mercenary past, his relationships with others and his arch nemesis aren’t forgotten. Marc’s best friend Jean-Paul AKA Frenchie and lover Marlene are integral to his origin and even more so is Raul Bushman, who is responsible for killing Marc and inadvertently letting Khonshu revive him. You just gotta leave that in.
I am tired of these adaptions that are supposedly within the same universe as the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) but never go any further in establishing this than the occasional reference to ‘the ‘magic guy with the hammer’. Just call him Thor! Now that rights are no longer an issue, I want a definitive entry into the MCU that feels like its a part of the same universe and not an appendage hanging limply off the side. That being said, I’m willing to make a concession if the show choses to make it ambiguous as a stylistic choice, given the flexible nature of Moon Knight’s character. Not really holding my breath on that one, though.
Finally, I don’t want this show to ignore the fact that Marc has a mental illness. Mental health is a pressing and relevant issue in this day and age and having a protagonist that suffers from a distinct mental illness could be a great way to address it. This hearkens back to my first point about how I don’t want this show to be another standard superhero affair, Moon Knight is not a normal superhero, he has a serious mental condition that is a foundation of his character and ignoring that would be downright disrespectful.
Truly a triple threat (credit to u/snotso_goodmans on Reddit).
Look, when it’s all said and done, I am immensely happy Moon Knight is getting something at all. And a TV show too, thank Khonshu! Infinitely more preferable than a movie.If the series is good, I’ll chalk it up to another successful win in the history of the Lunar Legionnaire. If it isn’t, I’ll shrug it off and just go read literally any one of his comics.
I’m glad this show is being made and I’m gonna watch the hell out of it. It’s a win-win situation for me. I’m either gonna be satisfied that he’s finally got a worthy adaptation, or I’ll be satisfied that in the realm of comic books, someone else out there knows how to make a good Moon Knight story.
This one looks kind of like a script. Interesting.
It was also vacuumed sealed in a bag that said “NAA” but I think a letter got scratched out. How curious.
I’m just kidding, who cares where it came from? Let’s get to reading it! I dubbed this little ditty “Roket Syence”.
A couple of scientists are tinkering away in a lab with a few benches and a whiteboard. Another scientist, Fred, walks on with a clipboard which he is studying.
FRED: Heya fellas, just been going over the monthly review and there are a few gaps… One of the scientists, Dave, looks up.
DAVE: Such as?
FRED: We’ve completed all projects on schedule and the lab itself is running smoothly… but we may have left a project on the way side. Accidentally.
DAVE: Oh. Well that’s not a problem. We’ll just work on it now.
FRED: Yeah, that’s the thing…
DAVE: What?
FRED: I’ll let it speak for itself.Barry, load Project Gemini onto the whiteboard.
BARRY: Okay. Barry, the other scientist, is handed the clipboard. He looks it over, nods and turns to the whiteboard, copying what’s on the clipboard onto it. As he finishes, he steps back to look at it in full.
DAVE: Well? What is it? Fred breaks out in a sweat and breathes rapidly. He composes himself and looks at Dave.
FRED: Look closer . Dave and Barry strain their eyes. Suddenly it hits them. Barry drops his pen and starts screaming as Dave’s eyes bulge. He scrambles behind Fred. Barry faints.
DAVE: (Terrified.) But-But-That’s—
FRED: (Very grave.) I know.
DAVE/FRED: It’s Rocket Science! Cut to the ‘diagram’. It is a somewhat crude drawing of a rocket ship with various formulas on it, looking only vaguely scientific. Perhaps a dramatic flash of lightning and a crack of thunder too. Barry regains consciousness, looks at the whiteboard and starts screaming again.
BARRY: Oh god. Oh god! Help! Heeeeelp! Dave goes over to him and slaps him.
DAVE: Make like a curtain and pull yourself together, man!
BARRY: But it’s Rocket Science, Dave! Rocket Science!
DAVE: I know, damn it, I know! But no matter how the saying goes, we’re gonna do this. We’re gonna pull through!
BARRY: How do you know? How could you know?!
DAVE: Because we’re scientists, Barry! This is what we do. And when it’s all said and done, Rrr… Rrrr… Rr—This thing is still a science! No matter how complex it’s supposed to be! So let’s tackle this sunnuva bitch head on, huh?
BARRY: Okay… Okay!
DAVE: Attaboy! (Slaps Barry again.) Fred! Get the boys in the ‘shop to whip up a car, a pair of wings and some sort of nose cone.
FRED: You got it! Fred dahses off. Dave goes to follow.
DAVE: C’mon Barry!
BARRY: I’m scared.
DAVE: I know, but don’t be! It’s just… (Gulps.)... Rocket Science! Yeah, Rocket Science. Nothing to it. So come on. He drags Barry off towards the workshop. BARRY: I sure hope we can pull this off.
DAVE: Of course we can! I’m gonna get this project done even it kills me. The lab is left unoccupied. Moments later, there are sounds of metal whirring and welding and general mechanical noise.
DAVE (V/O.): Okay! Start her up! A massive explosion sounds which shakes the laboratory as it is engulfed in flame.
Hoo boy, I sure hope these aren’t the scientists aren’t in charge of making the latest Tesla. They probably just work for Mister Musk’s private labs.
Another episode of the Case Files of Crazy Davis done and dusted! Who knows what story will I find next?
ALRIGHT I’LL ADMIT that I’m verging on clickbait here. But I gotta say my piece somewhere, and this blog might as well be my soapbox.
So. Megatron. What is there to say? The name is synonymous with villainy. Among other names such as Darth Vader and the Joker, he’s the robotic king of the bad guys.
But ol’ Megs has been around for quite some time and with time comes new ideas and radical reinventions of a core character. Thanks to comics, there’s a whole new side of Megatron that’s been explored, one that dares to explore the possibility of Megatron becoming a good guy.
For a point of reference, let’s look at Prince Zuko from Avatar The Last Airbender. We all love him, right? His tale of redemption is airtight, he took the imperceptibly long road to reclaiming his honour. It’s crazy to think that the main antagonist from the first season of the show becomes one of the protagonist’s closest friends.
If you believe that Zuko can do it, why not Megatron? Well, it’s not an exact parallel. Megatron is closer to Fire Lord Ozai than he’ll ever be to Zuko. I mean, just look at him in the original Transformers cartoon.
This is where the glory of comic books come in, my friends. It accepted the challenge of making the world’s foremost robotic asshole a sympathetic figure, and you know what? I think they damn well pulled it off.
Picture this: A downtrodden miner who toils for an obscene amount of hours in a dingy pit is summoned by his bosses and assembled with his co workers in the confines of the facility. A figurehead appears flanked by riot troopers addresses the crowd and tells them they are promptly being moved from the mine effective immediately.
Another miner calls out that they’re being replaced by automated machines, but is swiftly and violently silenced by a riot trooper, wearing a badge that to the miner, is synonymous with oppression. The badge of the Autobot. Yeah, the one that the ‘good guys’ wear. Crazy, right?
The miner’s rage boils over. For years, he has been writing and publishing various manifestos decrying the oppressive regime that forces bigger citizens like him to be confined to a single role for their entire lifespan. For years, he has been passed over and shunned as a non-intellectual purely because of his appearance. For years, he has endured prejudice.
But no longer.
The miner rushes the riot trooper, tackling him to the ground. Pandemonium ensues in the crowd, but the miner is oblivious. He is blind with rage, unleashing in a furious eruption upon the manifestation of the regime that has spurned him for so long. Before he even realises it, the miner has reduced the trooper’s head to an oily mess of spare parts.
“Woah. That was intense,” you may find yourself saying. To which I would agree wholeheartedly. And tell you that it is indeed the origin of Megatron.
From there, it goes to hell pretty fast. He joins a Cybertronian Fight Club, becomes a lot more complacent with violence, and starts the Decepticon movement and loses himself to the merry madness of murder, becoming the villain we all know and love today.
But his foundations of believing in a fundamentally better society motivate him when the Autobots win the war. Basically, he adopts the “if you can”t beat ’em, join ’em” stratagem and joins those so called good guys and renounces violence in an attempt to return to his peaceful philosophical days. (Long story short, it doesn’t last.)
The continuity in which this fascinating reiteration of Megatron debuted wrapped up pretty recently, so if I were you I’d go seek out any stories that feature him in prominent detail. I’ve include the most prominent ones below that really illustrate this nuanced take on the big silver meanie.
In conclusion, Megatron probably isn’t a hero. He shouldn’t be, because he works a lot better as a villian, obviously. But I know you don’t want to hear the expression about “every villian is the hero of their own story” because let’s face it, that’s been done to death. I suppose what I’m trying to say is through the medium of comic books, Megatron has become such a fascinating character to me, and I’m grateful some awesome writers took the time to flesh him out.
Rise Up Deceptigamers,
CD
The three flavours of Megatron (courtesy of u/SkwarpCracker on r/transformemes).
PS: Recommended Reading
The Transformers: Megatron Origin The Transformers: More than Meets the Eye #34 – Births, Deaths and Interventions The Transformers: More than Meets the Eye #50 to #56 – The Dying of the Light
The Transformers Lost Light #22 – Crucible (Part 4): The Return of the King
The Transformers Lost Light #25 – How To Say Goodbye And Mean It: Part 2
THIS WHOLE PANDEMIC thing has given me plenty to think about over the past few months.
Why is no one buying my custom made Ribena stained Persian rugs? Why is no one talking about Ahmed Best’s new role in that new Star Wars Scorpion Island-esque game show that’s on YouTube? But most importantly, why is everyone obsessed with movies?
Look, I may not be one to talk. I’m obsessed with a whole ‘nother kettle of fish, just take a look at literally any other post on this cesspool of a blog.
But seriously, 9 times out of 10, I’ll take the book or tv show over the medium of film. I’m just saying, from my position as aficionado of the comic book arts, movies are the be all and the end all for some fans. It’s as if they’re some all access pass to the big leagues and that’s a shame, cuz a character shouldn’t have to have a movie in order to validate their existence.
Yeah yeah, I know it’s great publicity. You wouldn’t have even heard of the Guardians of the Galaxy or the Avengers or frickin’ Iron Man if it wasn’t for their movies. But because of their big screen success, their movie counterparts come to define their characters as a whole, leaving behind their inspirations and source material to be cast aside and forgotten, which is something that I cannot abide.
I think movies should stick to their lanes, by which I mean I am so fed up with syndicated and condensed comic book adaptations of superheroes which are a digestible simplified summary of the character that can be consumed by the masses. Movies work best when they are contained and have a single point of reference for inspiration, something like The Thing. Otherwise you have a film which draws from too many separate influences which clash with a director’s unique take, leaving you with a bizarre hodgepodge of character that’s barely connected to their core tenets. See Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice to see what I’m getting at.
I don’t subscribe to the belief that I have to enjoy films above all else when there are a plethora of other mediums in which I can enjoy longer, fundamentally profound and exceptionally crafted stories. I think patience and investment in a story is something that’s undervalued in a film. Granted, that depends on the film’s length, but generally, you can expect a relatively swift resolution to the film’s plot in a couple of hours.
There’s something about that which irks, the condensed nature of a film. I like things to be drawn out, I want to see how the passage of time affects a character, how their struggles are portrayed almost in real time. The trade off is sometimes television and comics can get sidetracked with filler and expansive back story, but more times than not it is the context and how the character’s react to situations detached from the main arc of the their story that enhances the potency of the show or series at large.
Despite all this, I still really wanna see Tenet. I’m interested in Christopher’s Nolan’s work and his latest venture looks to be even more of a mind bender than the legendary and confusing masterpiece that is Inception. But in the meantime, I am more than happy sifting through my comic book and novel collection and vast repertoire of tv shows to satiate my imagination. Anything’s better than vacuuming the carpet shop.
HERE’S A QUESTION for you all: What is your favourite super hero origin?
Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.
Right, now answer me this: What is your favourite super hero story?
Okay, once you’ve had a good thinkin’ session, think some more about how your answers relate to each other.
Unless your answer to both questions was Spider-Man 2, chances are your choice of origin and favourite story didn’t match up at all, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Yet what I do think is this: In the grand scheme of things, superhero origins don’t matter.
I mean, they matter a little. A bit of context and motivation never hurt anybody. But the origin shouldn’t be the make or break of a character: What comes after the origin is the truly interesting part. I believe a character should be defined by their actions in the present, whether or nor they’re influenced by the events of their past.
The two super hero origins which I believe are evidence to the contrary are the origins of Spider-Man and Batman. These origins both involve an anonymous criminal and a young boy suffering the loss of a parental figure (or two) which motivates and shapes the rest of their life, either spurning them to maintain a code of great responsibility or learn karate so they can beat up a murderous clown.
But look at any other superhero origin and try to convince me it has the same level of emotional impact.
Yes, Superman was rocketed off his exploding planet, but then he lands in Kansas and is raised by farmers! Boring!
Green Lantern gets a magic ring from a dying alien and receives his powers on the spot. Snore!
Moon Knight nearly dies but decides to get back on the horse and become the personal hit man of a moon god. Cool, I guess.
While these other origins nearly always involve death or a last minute reinvention and a call to action, they’re not all that exciting. That’s why you’ll see these origins being retreaded countless times to add some extra beef to them. But I’m telling ya, it ain’t all that necessary.
Another counterpoint that can be raised is the coming of age story. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is a fantastic origin story for Miles Morales which outshines his comic book origin by, well, miles. But that origin has the advantage of A) Being the focal point of the entire movie and B) Playing upon the well-established origin of original recipe Spider-Man. It has the advantage of a strong foundation and a movie format. A lot of super hero origins do not have that luxury. Sure, Shazam! was a good enough movie, but a kid who can turn into a super hero by saying a magic word is more of a novel and amusing concept than a tragic backstory.
Some super heroes don’t even need origins. Because they were born with their powers and have kicked ads since the beginning. Does the name “Wolverine” mean anything to you? He went for years without having one and we all know what happened when one was finally written for him (2011 was a bad time for us all). Hell, the entirety of the X-Men don’t even have a proper ‘origin’. All you need to know is they were born different, they go to school, and fight evil.
Origins don’t even matter in real life, people! Do you ever stop and look at your best friend and wonder “Gee, what a great guy. I wonder what the exact circumstances of his life were that led him to become this exact type of person.” If you do think that, you’re weird. You should just be happy that they’re a cool dude you can hang out with and not define them by the sum of all their past experiences. That’s for them to do. All you have to do is decide to like them in the moment.
So the next time you sit down to watch Batman’s parents die for the one thousandth time, think about your other favourites and ask yourself why you like them.
Is it because of their heavy and comprehensive backstory or is it because of what they do in the present moment, regardless of where or what they may have come from? Food fro thought.
Basically, what I’m saying is don’t obsess over the joys of an IKEA instruction manual; Enjoy the Lommarp in its completed state and all the fun you can have with it.
But what about super villain origins? Don’t even get me started. I’ll save that for another post. Until then, I’ll catch ya next week!
For too long, the heroes in a half shell have gone unnoticed on this blog. This makes no sense in the slightest, due to their persistent presence in popular culture since the 1980s, so believe me, it was only a matter of time before I got to talking about the lean green fighting machines. I believe it was Jake Peralta himself who once said “I’m gonsta talk about the turtles.”
In terms of Crazy Davis, the TMNT have been an impenetrable bastion of fun, entertainment and inspiration in my life since I was 3 years old. Never before has a franchise endured so much adulation from yours truly or perfectly represented the foundations of my very soul.
The tenets which bind the core of the franchise to my essence have lead me to live my life by the values that the terrapin tribe of four posess. Conveniently, they can be summarised by a verse in their 2003 television show, an obvious favourite of mine.
ONE: Live by the code of the martial arts
TWO: Never fight unless someone else starts
THREE: Always stick together no matter what
FOUR: If all else fails then it’s time to kick butt!
Is that not just the most universally applicable philosophy for all aspects of your life? You bet your bippy it is.
Not only do the TMNT effortlessly bleed into real life with their ubiquitous way-of-life, but they also blend into other franchises so well you don’t even bat an eyelid when you see them in an issue of the X-Files comic.
They’ve had crossovers with the Ghostbusters.
They’ve had crossovers with the Power Rangers.
They’ve had crossovers with frickin’ BATMAN.
There is no one the Turtles can’t touch. Their reach is nigh infinite.
I’m sure you’re wondering what the point of this post is right about now. I am too, in a way. But maybe that is the point. Maybe the TMNT are such a novel concept that they bind the very fabric of the universe together. I don’t see any other logical explanation. Seriously. Because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles defy logic too.
Just picture it; How do you think a pitch would go for a serious, Frank Miller-esque, violent story about ninjas in New York that are fucking turtles? Ninjas are well known for their speed, their swift motions and instantly vanishing into the night. Turtles are well known for chewing leaves very slowly.
But despite the sheer, baffling absurdity of this premise, they have survived to this day. They continue to stay relevant. Whether its through the baffling nature of the idea alone or the fact that they constantly receive fresh updates every few years.
They’ve been to space.
They’ve been mystical ninjitsu dragons.
They’ve been on a live musical tour with denim jackets instead of shells and fake guitars (please don’t ask).
So you see, I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And why I can’t force you to love them like I do (because you can’t), I can at least make you understand how much they mean not only to me, but to pop culture and the world at large. At the end of the day, no matter what trouble you find yourself in, the turtles will always have your back. As the saying goes:
“Time to apply some turtle whacks!”
Hmmm. That might not be the best quote to—Ah, whatever. You get the idea.
HOW ABOUT THAT? Smells like another episode of the Crazy Davis Case Files!
It’s either that or the dead possums in the roof. But since I’m petrified of enclosed spaces and zombie possums, how about I crack open another tale from the mysterious black box that showed up out of nowhere in my shop one day.
This one looked fun! It came in a shiny metal case with all sorts of flashing lights. Must be from the electrician’s next door. Well, if they want it back, they can come get it! Until then, give it a gander. I like to call it “Galactic Labor” because all the good Sci-Fi titles were taken.
An unsettling bang erupted from the back of the ship. The pilot flicked a nervous glance over his shoulder from the cockpit, before returning his attention to steering the ship. The laser gate separating the space station’s dock was becoming a little closer every second. You could probably chalk this up to the fact that the ship was moving with considerable speed. An unreasonable speed for docking. The pilot half grimaced and half grinned. He tapped a button to activate the ship’s intercom. Nothing happened. He pressed it a little more firmly. Sparks soared out of the console, singeing his finger. He swore and slammed a fist on the dashboard. The communications array woefully flickered on.
“Hey-Hey. It’s Visitor J – 138 requesting an express landing here.”
The intercom spluttered out the station’s reply, impeded by heavy static.
“What? Look, never mind. Send your best firefighters. And maybe a blanket. Over and out!” As he said this, the intercom exploded.
“I think they got that. Do you think they got that?” he yelled, turning his head to shout at his passenger, a beautiful woman with a sea of aggravated veins on her face.
“I’m busy, honey!” she gurgled, then resumed her rapid breathing. The ship shuddered violently.
“Yeah I know! I’m just really pumped up! We’re having a kid! We’ll have our own little trifecta! Isn’t that great?”
“It would be—if we survive.”
“Oh ye of little faith. We’re practically the—” An explosion swallowed the sound of his voice as the ship was hurled off course, just to the left of the laser gate. He swore louder and tried to wrest control back. The ship lumbered like a drunken whale, but he managed to veer it back towards the dock.
“Vik! The flames are licking my elbows!” said the woman, clinging on to a rusty handrail jutting from the wall.
“I’m busy, honey!” said Vik. The laser gate was imminent now, and it flickered from red to green. Vik gunned it. The ship floundered into the dock with all the grace of an elephant on fire and smashed into a mountain of supply containers.
A few minutes later, the firefighters managed to extinguish the wreckage. Then they pried open the cockpit. Two exhausted parents and their bawling newborn infant were huddled up in the front seat.
“Mazel Tov.” said Vik.
Wasn’t that exciting? Maybe not as exciting as, say, Star Wars The Rise of Kylo Ren, but still a good enough crack at a Sci-Fi tale, I reckon.
Anyhoo, time to go buy some scented candles. Some strong ones.
WHAT’S UP, EVERYBODY? Now that you’ve had your fair share of Star Wars content for the month, let’s shift gears back to comic books! I’ve got just the thing to stoke the fires of superhero admiration with a brand new segment I like to call “Rug Ratez!”
I got the idea when gazing at my beloved cow print pattern rugs. Choosing a bunch of certain characters, I will rate them using rugs, with five rugs being the highest, most radical amount of rugs I can bestow. My rugs are a premium product. The more you have, the more superior you are! Did I mention I may be filing for bankruptcy soon?
Anyway, let’s get things started with one of my personal favourite superheroes, Robin! “But Crazy Davis,” I hear you cry, “Robin isn’t a superhero, he’s a sidekick! He’s nowhere near as cool as the real superheroes like Batman or Superman or Plastic Man!” to which I would reply “You have a point, no one’s as cool as Plastic Man, but you’re also wrong!”
While it is true Robin wouldn’t exist without Batman, he has grown and been developed by a plethora of writers that have expanded his role well beyond being Batman’s technicolour bullet sponge. Robin has become a legacy character, meaning more than one individual has worn the mask and while I love them all dearly, some Robins deserve more rugs than others.
I’ll be rating the Robins based on how well they function with Batman, how they’ve grown without him and how radical I think they are. These factors will all add up to their final Rug Rating. Without further ado, let’s get cracking!
ROBIN NUMBER ONE – DICK GRAYSON
Alright, cut it out. Stop giggling. He was named in the ’40s, okay?
Embarrassing name aside, Dick Grayson was the Robin that started it all, the once and future king of all things Bat-Fam related. If it wasn’t for Dick, the number of ass-kicking vigilantes on Batman’s crew would be at an all time low.
Dick Grayson worked well with Batman for many, many years. This is probably why the majority of Robins you will have seen outside of comic books are in fact, Dicks (Must… suppress… laughter…). He was the grand opening of the Boy Wonder and defines what Robin means to Batman in its purest form. Yes siree, the original dynamic duo were truly unstoppable.
Until the day that they weren’t. Dick got fed up with a supporting role and struck out to become a star of his own and boy oh boy, what a star he turned out to be. Dick Grayson became the solo vigilante Nightwing, the sleekest, smoothest and raddest crimefighter with the best ass in the business. Seriously, look it up. Nightwing is literally famous for his booty. That alone gives him at least two rugs.
Dick Grayson was always a little dorky when he was Robin, and that has rubbed off on the majority of people, people like that jerk in the beginning who said he wasn’t as cool as Plastic Man. But Nightwing? Nightwing is a stand out character in his own right, an individual that forges his own path as an independent man and looks good while doing it.
RUG RATING – 4 out of 5 RUGS
ROBIN NUMBER TWO – JASON TODD
This is how it feels when Robins cry…
The literal red-headed stepchild of the Bat-Fam, Jason Todd never quite fit the scaly green underpants and pixie boots of the Robin costume. Violent, angry and impulsive, Batman brought the little runt under his wing when he caught him red-handed stealing the tires off the Batmobile in the hopes of making him something more. But he made him dead instead.
When he was alive, Jason functioned as a half decent replacement for Dick, though he was very rough around the edges. This led to a lot of tension and butting heads between the Bat and the Bird, resulting in a fairly rocky relationship. At the end of the day however, they were a good family. Until Jason found his actual mother and went on a quest that ended with the Joker, a crowbar and an exploding warehouse. Batman lost both a partner and a son on that tragic day.
But hark! Jason’s story doesn’t end with his death. Few superhero stories do. Through means that are varied throughout multiple incarnations of Batman lore, Jason Todd came back from the dead. He adopted the identity of the Red Hood, a mantle previously held by the Joker, and waged his own war on crime with a small amendment to Batman’s no killing rule i.e. lots of it. Coming back from the dead, stealing the name of the murderer and using it to kill even more criminals so it could never happen to you or anyone again is the most hectic and insane thing a Robin could do and nobody does it like Jason. With a combination of Batman’s training and his own lack of mercy, the Red Hood is a twisted avenger and a perfect example of how a Robin can go wrong.
But as you can see from my drooling over him, a Robin going wrong is just so right. It’s the epitome of a perfect character reinvention. From a routine replacement to an awesome anti-hero, I just can’t get enough of Jason Todd. He may have been a one and done Robin, but he absolutely slays as Red Hood.
RUG RATING – 4.5 out of 5
ROBIN NUMBER THREE – DAMIAN WAYNE
Step aside everyone, here comes the Bat’s brat!
I’ll admit, I have come around to Damian over the years. He was really sprung upon us, being Batman’s actual son, usurping Tim Drake’s role as Robin almost immediately and being more than a little lax on the No-Killing rule, it took me a long time to actually like Damian.
So what made me give Damian the thumbs up? His Dad. Not because he told me too, but because of how he’s been treating him. The biological connection helps a lot, but Batman is willing to teach his son the ways of the Bat and Damian is now willing to learn. Even if his years of assassin training cause him to make the occasional murderous slip-up, he’s coming to terms with his tendency for lethal force and wanting to change. Who better to help out than his own dad?
But how does he stack up by himself? Well, I’ve read a little of his solo series and he seems to hold up his own. But he’s nowhere near as interesting as his fellow murderous brother, Jason. In fact, he’s basically just a mini-Batman, and given that I find the Robins far more interesting characters than Batman himself, I think that Damian has inhereited his Dad’s disinteresting effect on me.
Despite this, he’s got a great medieval-looking costume and a kick-ass katana. Sometimes his abrasiveness plays off well with his more jovial brothers. But when it comes down to it, I’ll leave him with to his adventures with Batman.
RUG RATING – 3 out of 5
ROBIN NUMBER FOUR – TIMOTHY DRAKE
The original Timomatic!
Man oh man, now we’ve hit the good stuff. You’ve been waiting for this one, haven’t you? So have I. This Robin ticks so many boxes I don’t even know where to start. How about we start with the fact he figured out not only Batman’s identity, but also Dick’s and Jason’s by watching Dick do a triple somersault on TV. Or when Damian replaced him, he struck out on his own to go search for a presumed-dead Batman? Or when he broke out of an prison that was between time and space itself?
Hell, even just the fact that he’s perfectly happy being a Robin. He’s well on his way to being the world’s greatest detective after Batman and destined to become even smarter. Before Damian came along, Tim Drake and Batman were a well-oiled machine, coming just as close to level of ubiquity and recognition than the original dynamic duo. Given that Tim never moved on as far as Nightwing or Jason did, he settled into his role and brought his a-game, even redesigning the Robin costume into its second most recognisable form, doing away with the green undies and throwing out the pixie boots.
However, because he’s been Robin for almost as long as Dick, transitioning into his second identity has been less smooth. He became Red Robin, donning a strange costume with an earless cowl. He’s currently wearing an undeniably ugly brown costume as Drake, which is a terrible code name because it literally exposes his identity. Do you think Spider-Man would ever become “Parker”? No, he wouldn’t. Anyway, the point is that Tim hasn’t flourished as much in his second identity to the degree that Nightwing and Red Hood have. Only time will tell.
Tim more than makes up for it in other aspects of his character though, he even has his own supporting cast in the likes of his crimefighting companion Stephanie Brown AKA Spoiler and recent adversary Ulysses Armstrong AKA The General. Tim Drake deserves all the love he gets and more, any story that has ever involved him has consistently delighted me.
RUG RATING – 5 out of 5
HONOURABLE MENTIONS STEPHANIE BROWN
Ignore the boots coming out of nowhere in the top left.
Steph is better known as Spoiler and even Batgirl, depending on your preferences, so to put it politely, let’s say that those roles suited her a lot better. But this post is about Robins, and she was a Robin, so she definitely deserves a shout-out.
As a Robin, she butted heads with Batman frequently and disobeyed him a fair few times, as she was still used to being a solo act. This led to her beingbeaten to death by Black Mask which brought her career as Robin to a pretty sudden stop. However, she also came back from the dead and left her time as Robin behind her.
So as a Robin, Steph couldn’t quite cut the mustard. But since she’s so much better as anything but, I’ll give her a balanced amount of rugs
RUG RATING – 2.5 out of 5
CARRIE KELLY
Don’t have a Bat-Cow, man! Ay Caramba!
Look, I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t read Dark Knight Returns in yonks, but people seem to like her, so I thought I’d bung her in somewhere.
She’s got a slingshot, that’s cool. And her design influenced Robin in the LEGO Batman Movie, so she’s got that going on for her as well…
I don’t know, gang. Give her your own Rug Rating!
RUG RATING – ????? out of 5
Wowee, what a list! It certainly was a lot longer post than I intended to write. Guess that’s a testament to how much I love Robin! Besides, these new segments have gotta start strong and I couldn’t have chosen a better candidate!
Is there a group of characters or an individual you’d like me to give some rugs too? Let me know down below! I’ve got a few ideas for the next one but I’d love to hear your input, fellow carpet fan!
Alright, better go sew those rugs I cut in half back together and sell ’em at my next clearance sale. See you next week, Rugaholics!
Holy Homicide, CD
MAY THE 4TH be with you!
The day is upon us folks! I’ve closed up the carpet shop for the day to observe this day of near-religious proportions. If any of my idiot customers ignore the giant closed sign on my front door and decide they want to waltz on in, I’ve set a tripwire up that launches a bunch of LEGO Tie Fighters at them. I’ve also got a real lightsaber. Don’t ask how I got it.
Figure 1: Diagram of Crazy Davis’ Crazy Carpets fortifications
Anyhoo, how am I celebrating May the 4th? I’m glad you asked. Every now and then, I dabble in a bit of light reading. Air conditioner manuals, labels on sauce bottles and the Communist Manifesto. But as you may have surmised, comics are my jam, and when I found out that Star Wars comics were a thing, I was happier than I was when I sold my first throw rug.
So that’s how I’m celebrating this May the 4th; Smashing Star Wars and Comic Books together and sifting through the rubble! As such, this undertaking can only be split up into five parts. Yes, five! I told you something special was coming, didn’t I? Now listen up, strap in and unsheathe those laser swords, ‘cuz we’re gonna get right into it.
There’s no doubt that the best thing to happen to Star Wars in recent years is Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Truly a fantastic and powerful series that, dare I say, would be on par, if not better than Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren. But I’m not going to talk about either of them. Not yet at least. Instead, I’m gonna take you back. Waaaaay back…
Fifteen years ago, before Ahsoka, before Kylo Ren and even before Babu Frik, the Clone Wars was regarded in a very different light. In fact, it wasn’t very light at all. It was an edgy, bleak and frankly quite depressing era in the grand continuity of Star Wars tales. This precursor to the more lighthearted Clone Wars we know today featured in many comics published by the appropriately named company Dark Horse. These comics have been retroactively declared non-canon when Mickey Mouse bought the rights to the Star Wars franchise in 2015, so the stories depicted in these comics technically never happened. But by no means does that make them any less badass.
Figure 2: Legends stories are everything that came before excluding the 2008 Star Wars: The Clone Wars series. Canon Star Wars stories are any Star Wars media produced after being brought by Disney in 2015 and all of the films.
Star Wars: Obsession is one of these stories and hoo boy, it is a doozy. I’ll be breaking each issue down one by one so the story can tell itself rather than giving you a synopsis. So let’s get right into it. Side note: This story takes place five months before Revenge of the Sith, just so you can get your heads around its place in the timeline a bit better.
We open on a thrilling swoop bike chase through a swamp with no Shrek in sight. However, a bunch of green skinned ogre looking types are chasing a mysterious masked rider. On of them asks if he’s worth all this trouble and his fellow ogre says he’s carrying a lightsaber, which would be enough to buy a whole fleet of swoop bikes! So the masked rider continues to flee towards the large city built on the swamp as the ogres relentlessly pursue their living paycheck. The masked rider yells “Move!’ as he approaches a drawbridge over the swampy waters full of civilians. They flee the bridge as the masked rider tilts his swoop bike underneath the bridge at the last possible second, skimming the water and emerging on the other side unscathed. One of his pursuers fumbles the same maneuver and sends the bridge up in flames. The surviving ogre chases the masked rider towards a jetty. The masked rider’s bike leaps off the swoop bike as the ogre guns it down. He crashes into the ground but uses the momentum to spring back up onto his feet. The masked rider says “You should have let me pass through the swamps unchallenged.” as he reaches for his lightsaber. The ogre replies “Shut up and die.” They charge forward on their swoop bike. But the masked rider is faster. He ignites his lightsaber and slashes the ogre in half, causing their bike to career off the jetty and into a tree, erupting in a massive fireball. Some ruffians approach the masked rider, who senses their presence without turning around.
Just who is this masked badass?!
Needless to say things go badly for this ruffian as the masked rider sends him flying through the window of of a nearby tavern. Most of the patrons scatter except for one, a blue skinned Twi’lek woman. She pulls down her hood and accuses the masked rider of stating that they were going to make a subtle entrance into the city. The masked rider takes off his mask and who could it but none other than Obi-MotherEffin’-Wan Kenobi. In a hood! And some dope ass armour! And looking a little worse for wear.
Obi Wan says the swamps were almost too hot to handle and asks Master Aayla Secura to cut to the chase. She informs Obi-Wan that powerful weapons dealer named Xist is providing intel to the bad guys that is pertinent to Obi Wan’s mission. Aayla suggests to Obi-Wan that he seek the help of his former apprentice Anakin Skywalker but Obi Wan wryly states he is sure Anakin wouldn’t want to be disturbed
This is very much the case, as we cut to Anakin landing his ship at a private palace on Naboo which belongs to his secret wife, Padme Amidala. Anakin tells her they have ten whole days to hang out, so they mark the occasion with a big ol’ kiss. Adorable.
Meanwhile, back in the exciting part of the galaxy Obi-Wan Kickass-obi assaults the fortress of Xist. Obi-Wan duels and beats him as he proclaims he is looking for none other than Asajj Ventress, Count Dooku’s Force-wielding assassin that was presumed dead. Xist reveals he has heard rumours of her survival too.
On Naboo, Padme and Anakin are having a much more civil conversation about how the Clone Wars are coming to an end.
“My Friend.” Yeah right. Let’s see how friendly he is after he slices your legs off.
Smash cut back to Obi-Wan and Xist. They’re sipping some space wine as Xist tells Obi-Wan of a hit being called on some Correlian billionaire, with “Dooku’s best assassin” supposedly on the job. Despite being a vague and misleading tidbit, Obi-Wan decides to take this gangster’s word for it. It’s not as if he’s a criminal who’s providing weapons to your enemy, right?
He asks for a permission slip from the Jedi Council to keep trailing Asajj. They tell him to just get on with it already so he can get back to the front lines. Aayla gives him her starfighter and Obi-Wan goes off to play gooseberry with Anakin, dragging him away from his secret wife to search for a girl that’s probably dead.
How great was that? And it’s only issue one! What a rush. This is possibly my longest post yet, I sure hope it was as fun for you as it was for me. I’ll be back for issue two some time next week so don’t touch that holo-dial! May the 4th be with you, always. At least until next year.
The Spider-Man fandom are losing their collective minds for what seems like the six millionth time; the presence of a certain individual on the set of the latest cinematic outing for the ol’ Web-Head has caused speculation to run wild like a pack of rabid beavers.
While hanging upside down from the gutter of a high-rise in Connecticut – the film site of the film’s filming – a particularly eager and unhinged Spidey fan snapped a blurry shot of a man in a grubby apron, shortly before the gutter gave way and the fan fell to their death.
The man in the photo has been barely identified as Crane Deucher, the renowned proprietor of Deuche Foods. Deucher has been in the film catering business since 1981, but one particular client of his has caused an absolute uproar among the world wide web of Spider-Fans. Deucher’s food truck is well known for having a constant presence on the film sets of none other than Sam Raimi, acclaimed director of Darkman and Oz The Great and Powerful. Oh, and the original Spider-Man trilogy starring Tobey Maguire, too.
Deucher’s presence comes as no surprise, as it aligns with other contingents from previous Spider-Man films being spotted on the same set. So far, there have been reports of Emma Stone’s stunt double, Kirsten Dunst’s dogwalker and even Donnell Rawlings, famous for his line: “Egad! He has swiped that woman’s burrito!”
Every day, it appears more and more familiar faces are joining the production of Spider-Man No Way Home, resolutely confirming that it will finally unite all three live action Spider-Men on the big screen.
Or maybe it’s a symptom of a rabid fanbase using arbitrary connections to justify their obsessive desires into reality through nothing more than desperate willpower.
The film’s actual director, Jon Watts, has been notably silent about the appearance of more than one Spider-Man in his film. Conversely, Raimi has been quite vocal. His comments mainly consist of telling people to “Quit fucking asking me about Spider-Man”, “I’ve got my goddamn hands full with Doctor Strange 2” and “I’m begging you to watch literally any other movie.”
While Raimi’s statements do not confirm whether or not Maguire’s Spider-Man will be in Spider-Man No Way Home, he hasn’t said that Maguire won’t be in the film, which is all the fuel the fanatics need for their manic theorising.
Marc Webb, director of the Amazing Spider-Man duology starring Andrew Garfield, has also declined to comment, and was last seen boarding a plane to Guatemala.
Sony, the chief company that holds the movie rights to Spider-Man and all associated entities, have explicitly addressed and dismissed the rumours that either of the previous Spider-Men are slated to appear in the latest movie. However, this has provoked a collective delusion in fans who interpreted Sony’s statement as merely the dismissal of a rumour and the official confirmation being delayed by juuuuuust a few more months.
At this stage, nothing short of the second coming of Jesus Christ descending from the heavens and saying “Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield will not be in Spider-Man No Way Home” will convince these rabid Spidey Stans.
But that still probably wouldn’t convince them anyway.
More updates swinging your way.
This article was edited by the sensational Connor Schmidt. Also, I know it’s kind of late, but April Foolseveryone!
WORLD OF MADNESS 