SAM RAIMI’S FAVOURITE CATERER SPOTTED ON SET FOR SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME

Just who could it be and why does it matter?

Written by guest journalist Percy Barker

The Spider-Man fandom are losing their collective minds for what seems like the six millionth time; the presence of a certain individual on the set of the latest cinematic outing for the ol’ Web-Head has caused speculation to run wild like a pack of rabid beavers.

While hanging upside down from the gutter of a high-rise in Connecticut – the film site of the film’s filming – a particularly eager and unhinged Spidey fan snapped a blurry shot of a man in a grubby apron, shortly before the gutter gave way and the fan fell to their death.

The man in the photo has been barely identified as Crane Deucher, the renowned proprietor of Deuche Foods. Deucher has been in the film catering business since 1981, but one particular client of his has caused an absolute uproar among the world wide web of Spider-Fans. Deucher’s food truck is well known for having a constant presence on the film sets of none other than Sam Raimi, acclaimed director of Darkman and Oz The Great and Powerful. Oh, and the original Spider-Man trilogy starring Tobey Maguire, too.

Deucher’s presence comes as no surprise, as it aligns with other contingents from previous Spider-Man films being spotted on the same set. So far, there have been reports of Emma Stone’s stunt double, Kirsten Dunst’s dogwalker and even Donnell Rawlings, famous for his line: “Egad! He has swiped that woman’s burrito!”

Every day, it appears more and more familiar faces are joining the production of Spider-Man No Way Home, resolutely confirming that it will finally unite all three live action Spider-Men on the big screen.

Or maybe it’s a symptom of a rabid fanbase using arbitrary connections to justify their obsessive desires into reality through nothing more than desperate willpower.

The film’s actual director, Jon Watts, has been notably silent about the appearance of more than one Spider-Man in his film. Conversely, Raimi has been quite vocal. His comments mainly consist of telling people to “Quit fucking asking me about Spider-Man”, “I’ve got my goddamn hands full with Doctor Strange 2” and “I’m begging you to watch literally any other movie.”

While Raimi’s statements do not confirm whether or not Maguire’s Spider-Man will be in Spider-Man No Way Home, he hasn’t said that Maguire won’t be in the film, which is all the fuel the fanatics need for their manic theorising.

Marc Webb, director of the Amazing Spider-Man duology starring Andrew Garfield, has also declined to comment, and was last seen boarding a plane to Guatemala.

Sony, the chief company that holds the movie rights to Spider-Man and all associated entities, have explicitly addressed and dismissed the rumours that either of the previous Spider-Men are slated to appear in the latest movie. However, this has provoked a collective delusion in fans who interpreted Sony’s statement as merely the dismissal of a rumour and the official confirmation being delayed by juuuuuust a few more months.

At this stage, nothing short of the second coming of Jesus Christ descending from the heavens and saying “Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield will not be in Spider-Man No Way Home” will convince these rabid Spidey Stans.

But that still probably wouldn’t convince them anyway.

More updates swinging your way.

This article was edited by the sensational Connor Schmidt.
Also, I know it’s kind of late, but April Fools everyone!

The Motherfreakin’ Batman – Finally Revealed!

HOLY GUACAMOLE FOLKS!

Good grief folks, I haven’t been this excited about a Batman story since Dark Nights: Metal and lemme tell ya, that one was a doozy.

Look, maybe it’s just because this is pretty much the only information we’ve received since the damn film was announced, but I can say with confidence that it has been well worth the wait to actually see a snippet of what we’re gonna see. And at the risk of repeating myself, it’s one hell of a snippet.

I mean, the only possible thing that could make this better would be-OH MY GOD IT’S DRAWN BY JIM LEE THAT’S IT IT’S PERFECT, HANDS DOWN!

The energy of this piece emanates the pure essence of Batman, and it makes me feel like an edgy twelve year old again in all the best possible ways. Everything from the eyes, to the gargoyle to the cape is just an absolute chef’s kiss to a bowl of delectable Batman soup. And it’s a soup that I’d actually consider having for once (I’m a fussy eater).

The other good news is that we can reasonably expect a trailer to come out soon! That’s what the DC Fandome thing in the bottom left is for, it’s basically an online comic-con but for DC stuff. And you can bet your Batman-dollar I’ll be tuning in to see at 1 am on a Sunday. That’s the sort of dedication you can expect from me, Crazy Davis!

So yeah, I’m excited, you’re excited, the whole world should be excited! And while I’m well aware this is like the 7th or 8th Batman reboot we’ve seen, I think this one will be a cut above the rest. Here’s hoping!

I’ll see you soon to discuss my hopes and aspiration for The Batman.

Ugh, even the name is cool. The Batman. I could say that all day. You know what, I think I will.

The Batman,
CD

Under My Umbrella – Academy

IF YOU KNOW anything about Crazy Davis by know, it’s that he loves comics!

Sci-Fi, Superhero, even Tintin comics! Big or small, I’ve read ’em all.

Well, almost all of them. Until last week or so, the Umbrella Academy series was one of them.

But I’m very glad to say that now I have indeed read every issue available of the Umbrella Academy comic book series and it was a blast from start to finish. So now, and only now, do I feel like it’s only right to give that new Netflix series a try. How bad could it be?

…

Yeah it’s fine, I suppose.

I’d like to clarify first and foremost that I haven’t finished the series yet. Hell, I’m not even up to Season 2. So no spoilers, y’hear? Otherwise I’ll bar you for life from me carpet shop. And trust me when I say you don’t wanna miss the deals I’ve got coming up this summer!

Where was I? Ah yes, the Umbrella Academy. The series. The TV series! Always a pleasure to see a comic get the television adaptation over a movie, for reasons I have made abundantly clear beforehand. But if I’m being honest with myself, I think I went into the show with measured expectations and as such, I haven’t strictly been blown away thus far.

Now before you raise your pitchforks, let me make my stance clear: I don’t hate this show. I’m enjoying it quite a bit and I’m interested to see how it’s gonna progress. I think I’m about seven or so episodes into Season One and it’s very intriguing.

However, when it comes to being a comic book adaptation and bringing to life the aspects of the comic book I so readily enjoyed, it skips a few beats that make me a teensy bit irritated. Not enough to write off the show, but enough to compel to make a stand and say some things from the comic I really wish the show decided to include.

I gotta say it, but the Academy’s costumes in this show are pretty lackluster. It’s barely a step up from the whole X-Men bundled up in black leather phase from the early 2000’s. The Academy’s costumes in the comic are iconic silhouettes that make distinct visual statements about their characters. Spaceboy AKA Luther AKA Number ONE is basically Soldier: 76 with Winston’s body, The Kraken, or ‘Diego’, as the show hasn’t used his badass codename from the comics yet, has a striped shirt with a skull and crossbones, long blond hair and a fierce set of stubble. Furthermore, Diego’s power in the comics is that he can hold his breath indefinitely, making him a gritty, knife-throwing Aquaman, to quote Gerad Way (the original writer of the series, who also co-created Peni Parker & SP//dr!). I much prefer the comic incarnation of the character. The show’s portrayal of him is good, but I feel there’s more that could be done with him.

I certainly feel that way about Allison AKA Rumour AKA Number Three. So far I’ve only seen her use her power once in the bank robbery scene, whereas she uses it frequently and bodaciously in the comics when she uses it to defeat the Lincoln Memorial, which sprung to life and began attacking Washington:

Funnily enough, this was only the second monument the Umbrella Academy kids destroyed. But it wouldn’t be the last president that Rumour would assassinate…

A choice that the show made in establishing her as the celebrity and most glamourous of the Academy is something I’m warming up to, but again, I think her depiction in the comics is a more realistic trajectory for her character. She also is divorced from her husband and has lost custody of her daughter, but she’s more downtrodden and listless in the comic, which I think is more on par with her actions of manipulating her husband with her power.

I could go on about the things neglected from the comics but I’ll change my tune for your sake and talk about the stuff from the show I really like.

I believe Klaus is a better character in the show than he is in the comics. I also just realised that this is the second show Robert Sheehan has been in where he can talk with dead people. Does anyone remember Misfits. Now that was a ‘superhero’ show with a different tune. Anyhoo, Klaus is great in this show. He’s vibrant, complicated and very sympathetic. It was a neat choice to have him be the only one to travel back to Vietnam, as in the comics he, Diego and Spaceboy are stranded with him. Five is basically the same but a tad older, which is an understandable choice and Vanya seems to be getting a lot more attention than she’s given in the comics. She’s pretty much just the villain of the comic book’s first arc and judging by the title of the Season One finale, I look forward to seeing how the show portrays the “White Violin” herself.

What’s left to say? Umm… I like Pogo, the chimpanzee butler. He’s also got an expanded role from his comic book counterpart it would seem. And the circumstances of Ben’s death and his powers very much intrigue me. Looking forward to more of Ben AKA Number Six AKA The Horror. I just love his power. Being able to release an eldritch abomination or two would really drive up sales down here.

So with all hat said and done, I think I’m done wagging my chin about the Umbrella Academy. It’s time to jump back in and binge it! I hope you enjoyed what I had to say about the series and I reckon if you like it too, why not give the comic book a try?

Stay out of the Rain,
CD

 

PS: Recommended Reading

The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite
The Umbrella Academy: Dallas
The Umbrella Academy: Hotel Oblivion

Origins are Overrated: Part 2

THE MANY YEARS I have spent reading comic books have taught me one thing: Superman’s costume looks way better without the red underpants.

It’s also taught me that some supervillains are just as compelling as their superhero counterparts, and in some cases, even more so.

I’m not gonna tell you that old cliche about “every villain being the hero of their own story” because it’s redundant and very obvious. But I would like to talk about why we find it so compelling.

In fact, I would go as far to say that some supervillian origins are actually pretty damn good, if not better, than superhero ones. They kind of have to be in order to convey a somewhat decent motivation for going crazy, slipping on an animal themed costume and attempting to kill a brightly coloured wise cracking crime-fighter for decades. And that’s kind of unsettling.

It really makes you stop to think about certain supervillain origins and reflect on how tragically intricate and heartbreaking they can be. Or even just beautifully simplistic to the point where it seems like a genuine thing that an average person would decide to do one day. We all have a breaking point, after all.

The chief example of a practically perfect supervillian origin is of course, Mister Freeze. I’m sure some of you more savvy readers of this blog thought of him first too. Depending on the incarnation, the tragic tale of Victor Fries (Yes, it’s pronounced “Freeze”) is one of heartbreak, desperation and woeful denial of reality. All Mister Freeze wanted to do was save the life of his cryogenically frozen wife, but a system of abuse, neglect and a freak accident thrown in for that comic book flavour turned him into a relentless killer, determined to achieve his goal by any means necessary, losing his very humanity over the course of his futile quest. I’m not crying, you are.

On the completely different end of the spectrum is the origin of Spider-Man villain, the Shocker. While probably not as renowned as one Mister Freeze, Shocker remains to this day as one of my absolute favourite Spider-Man villains due to the fact he’s just so utterly… basic.

Let me finish: The Shocker’s simple nature is so appealing to me because he really is just the every-man of supervillains. Think Ant-Man from the MCU but without the heroic motivation of providing for his daughter, instead being motivated by pure lust for the almighty dollar.

Shocker is the antithesis of your grandiose and tragic villain like Doctor Doom or Thanos. He doesn’t want to take over the world or balance the universe’s population, nothing like that. He just wants to rob banks with tech that he built himself and that’s it. He’s a clean template for any writer willing to use him in their stories and he’s ripe for a plethora of different interpretations. It’s a shame about the name though, but he was called the Shocker before the internet. 

So, taking all this into account, I believe the perfect supervillain origin should lean towards either the Mr Freeze or Shocker territory. Tragic or simple. If you want to get it any more complicated than that, then any villain you make has to stand in direct contrast to their hero in order to portray a captivating dynamic. This is where we get into Joker territory.

Hoo boy.

Now, I haven’t seen his latest movie and I really don’t want to. Not because I’m squeamish or I think it’s ‘problematic’, but purely because I don’t think it pays any heed to its source material and completely misinterprets the character or at least uses him as a stand in for other social issues that he’s only peripherally related to. 

The Joker is a definitive example of why a supervillain doesn’t need a good origin to be an amazing character. The only thing they do need is a nemesis that is the complete opposite of them. Think about how many times you’ve seen a Batman origin on the screen. The list goes on. Now think about how many times we’ve seen the Joker’s origin on screen, and if it’s even comparable to the depths that Batman’s origins have been explored. It’s not even close, and that’s the way I believe it should be.

Joker’s nothing more than an agent of chaos with a sick sense of humour. At times, he represents the peak of crime in Gotham, just as Batman represents the peak of justice. And while there have been stories about Joker’s solo adventures, barely any of them  have been about his origin, because that is not why we like the Joker. His origin is not what makes him interesting. Any origin stories he has had have always featured Batman or the Wayne family in some capacity. The latest Joker movie is perhaps the most conceited and tacked on way its been done yet, with Thomas & Martha Wayne being murdered in what, the last five minutes of the film?

It doesn’t take a genius to tell you that supervillains only exist because the superheroes need someone to beat up. But it takes a maniac like me to tell you that some supervillains out there have redefined what it means to be an antagonist to the point where they are just as compelling and artfully constructed as any protagonist. Black Manta. Doctor Octopus. Even Bizarro. I could go on all day, but I feel like I’ve rambled for long enough. 

Basically, you don’t need to try too hard when thinking of a supervillain origin. But if you happen to latch on to a good idea, it’s a win-win situation for both reader and writer.

Manically Laughing,
CD

Moon Knight’s TV Debut: What Will Disney Do?

MOON KNIGHT ROCKS! 

The fearsome lunulated lunatic has been kickin’ ass and taking names in the pages of Marvel comics since the ’70s. He’s enjoyed a reputation as being one of the most flexible and experimental heroes out there.

 For the most part, his characterisation remains consistent as a mercenary named Marc Spector who was left for dead in an Egyptian temple and resurrected by the god of the moon, Khonshu. Returning to the Big Apple, Spector adopts the mantle of Moon Knight to honour his god and fight crime. Where it gets interesting is the inclusion of the characters Steven Grant, a wealthy entrepreneur and Jake Lockley, as humble taxi driver.

In a unique take on the concept of a superhero’s secret identity, Both Steven and Jake are in fact separate personalities within Marc’s mind in a form of dissociative identity disorder. His mental state also raises the question of whether or not he’s speaking to the actual Khonshu or another persona his mind has created, a question that has been explored over the character’s fascinating and mind-boggling history.

Personally, it boggles my mind that we’ve gone for this long without a live action adaptation for this fantastic character. Until now.

That’s right, Moon Knight is officially getting his very own Disney+ original show. my salvation has at last been delivered in my time of need. At last, an entire TV show dedicated to the Fist of Khonshu himself.

But is this a blessing a disguise? This is a Disney+ show we’re talking about, and I’m telling you now, the stories of Moon Knight haven’t made an effort to be particularly family friendly, to say the least.

While I am eternally grateful he’s been granted an adaptation by our overlords at Disney, I am also slightly apprehensive. Can Disney deliver a satisfying portrayal of my boy in white while also keeping things PG?

For starters, I don’t think it’s impossible to have the best of both worlds. The Mandalorian is a great example of having a no-holds-barred and gritty take on an established universe without relying on too heavily on extreme gore to convey its mature tone. I’m hoping they lean towards shows like The Mandalorian in terms of its tone.

However, I have prepared a short list of things that I hope the creative ‘wizards’ at the House of Mouse do not decide to do:

1. Simplify it to the point where it’s nothing more than a watered down version of Netflix’s Daredevil. That show works as its own entity, and trying to replicate its tone but without its mature themes and violence would be a misstep as it would undermine Moon Knight’s own violent history as well by being a censored copy of a standard supershow show, like Arrow. 
2. Improperly balance the supernatural and the realistic elements of the character. Moon Knight has been known to fluctuate from religious fanatic to hyperviolent vigilante, so I’m hoping the show can strike a balance between the two worlds that define Moon Knight. I am hoping for a ton of Egyptian iconography and the logo seems to hint at that, so I think we should be right for that. But I’m also hoping Marc’s mercenary past, his relationships with others and his arch nemesis aren’t forgotten. Marc’s best friend Jean-Paul AKA Frenchie and lover Marlene are integral to his origin and even more so is Raul Bushman, who is responsible for killing Marc and inadvertently letting Khonshu revive him. You just gotta leave that in.
3. I am tired of these adaptions that are supposedly within the same universe as the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) but never go any further in establishing this than the occasional reference to ‘the ‘magic guy with the hammer’. Just call him Thor! Now that rights are no longer an issue, I want a definitive entry into the MCU that feels like its a part of the same universe and not an appendage hanging limply off the side. That being said, I’m willing to make a concession if the show choses to make it ambiguous as a stylistic choice, given the flexible nature of Moon Knight’s character. Not really holding my breath on that one, though.
4. Finally, I don’t want this show to ignore the fact that Marc has a mental illness. Mental health is a pressing and relevant issue in this day and age and having a protagonist that suffers from a distinct mental illness could be a great way to address it. This hearkens back to my first point about how I don’t want this show to be another standard superhero affair, Moon Knight is not a normal superhero, he has a serious mental condition that is a foundation of his character and ignoring that would be downright disrespectful.

Truly a triple threat (credit to u/snotso_goodmans on Reddit).

Look, when it’s all said and done, I am immensely happy Moon Knight is getting something at all. And a TV show too, thank Khonshu! Infinitely more preferable than a movie. If the series is good, I’ll chalk it up to another successful win in the history of the Lunar Legionnaire. If it isn’t, I’ll shrug it off and just go read literally any one of his comics.

I’m glad this show is being made and I’m gonna watch the hell out of it. It’s a win-win situation for me. I’m either gonna be satisfied that he’s finally got a worthy adaptation, or I’ll be satisfied that in the realm of comic books, someone else out there knows how to make a good Moon Knight story.

Except for you, Bendis. Stick to Spider-Man.

Go Howl at the Moon, 
CD.

Megatron is a Hero!

ALRIGHT I’LL ADMIT that I’m verging on clickbait here. But I gotta say my piece somewhere, and this blog might as well be my soapbox.

So. Megatron. What is there to say? The name is synonymous with villainy. Among other names such as Darth Vader and the Joker, he’s the robotic king of the bad guys.

But ol’ Megs has been around for quite some time and with time comes new ideas and radical reinventions of a core character. Thanks to comics, there’s a whole new side of Megatron that’s been explored, one that dares to explore the possibility of Megatron becoming a good guy.

For a point of reference, let’s look at Prince Zuko from Avatar The Last Airbender. We all love him, right? His tale of redemption is airtight, he took the imperceptibly long road to reclaiming his honour. It’s crazy to think that the main antagonist from the first season of the show becomes one of the protagonist’s closest friends.

If you believe that Zuko can do it, why not Megatron? Well, it’s not an exact parallel. Megatron is closer to Fire Lord Ozai than he’ll ever be to Zuko. I mean, just look at him in the original Transformers cartoon.

This is where the glory of comic books come in, my friends. It accepted the challenge of making the world’s foremost robotic asshole a sympathetic figure, and you know what? I think they damn well pulled it off.

Picture this: A downtrodden miner who toils for an obscene amount of hours in a dingy pit is summoned by his bosses and assembled with his co workers in the confines of the facility. A figurehead appears flanked by riot troopers addresses the crowd and tells them they are promptly being moved from the mine effective immediately.

Another miner calls out that they’re being replaced by automated machines, but is swiftly and violently silenced by a riot trooper, wearing a badge that to the miner, is synonymous with oppression. The badge of the Autobot. Yeah, the one that the ‘good guys’ wear. Crazy, right?

The miner’s rage boils over. For years, he has been writing and publishing various manifestos decrying the oppressive regime that forces bigger citizens like him to be confined to a single role  for their entire lifespan. For years, he has been passed over and shunned as a non-intellectual purely because of his appearance. For years, he has endured prejudice.

But no longer.

The miner rushes the riot trooper, tackling him to the ground. Pandemonium ensues in the crowd, but the miner is oblivious. He is blind with rage, unleashing in a furious eruption upon the manifestation of the regime that has spurned him for so long. Before he even realises it, the miner has reduced the trooper’s head to an oily mess of spare parts.

“Woah. That was intense,” you may find yourself saying. To which I would agree wholeheartedly. And tell you that it is indeed the origin of Megatron.

From there, it goes to hell pretty fast. He joins a Cybertronian Fight Club, becomes a lot more complacent with violence, and starts the Decepticon movement and loses himself to the merry madness of murder, becoming the villain we all know and love today.

But his foundations of believing in a fundamentally better society motivate him when the Autobots win the war. Basically, he adopts the “if you can”t beat ’em, join ’em” stratagem and joins those so called good guys and renounces violence in an attempt to return to his peaceful philosophical days. (Long story short, it doesn’t last.)

The continuity in which this fascinating reiteration of Megatron debuted wrapped up pretty recently, so if I were you I’d go seek out any stories that feature him in prominent detail. I’ve include the most prominent ones below that really illustrate this nuanced take on the big silver meanie.

In conclusion, Megatron probably isn’t a hero. He shouldn’t be, because he works a lot better as a villian, obviously. But I know you don’t want to hear the expression about “every villian is the hero of their own story” because let’s face it, that’s been done to death. I suppose what I’m trying to say is through the medium of comic books, Megatron has become such a fascinating character to me, and I’m grateful some awesome writers took the time to flesh him out.

Rise Up Deceptigamers,
CD

The three flavours of Megatron (courtesy of u/SkwarpCracker on r/transformemes).

PS: Recommended Reading

The Transformers: Megatron Origin
The Transformers: More than Meets the Eye #34 – Births, Deaths and Interventions
The Transformers: More than Meets the Eye #50 to #56 – The Dying of the Light
The Transformers Lost Light #22 – Crucible (Part 4): The Return of the King
The Transformers Lost Light #25 – How To Say Goodbye And Mean It: Part 2

What’s the Deal with Movies?

THIS WHOLE PANDEMIC thing has given me plenty to think about over the past few months.

Why is no one buying my custom made Ribena stained Persian rugs? Why is no one talking about Ahmed Best’s new role in that new Star Wars Scorpion Island-esque game show that’s on YouTube? But most importantly, why is everyone obsessed with movies?

Look, I may not be one to talk. I’m obsessed with a whole ‘nother kettle of fish, just take a look at literally any other post on this cesspool of a blog.

But seriously, 9 times out of 10, I’ll take the book or tv show over the medium of film. I’m just saying, from my position as aficionado of the comic book arts, movies are the be all and the end all for some fans. It’s as if they’re some all access pass to the big leagues and that’s a shame, cuz a character shouldn’t have to have a movie in order to validate their existence.

Yeah yeah, I know it’s great publicity. You wouldn’t have even heard of the Guardians of the Galaxy or the Avengers or frickin’ Iron Man if it wasn’t for their movies. But because of their big screen success, their movie counterparts come to define their characters as a whole, leaving behind their inspirations and source material to be cast aside and forgotten, which is something that I cannot abide.

I think movies should stick to their lanes, by which I mean I am so fed up with syndicated and condensed comic book adaptations of superheroes which are a digestible simplified summary of the character that can be consumed by the masses. Movies work best when they are contained and have a single point of reference for inspiration, something like The Thing. Otherwise you have a film which draws from too many separate influences which clash with a director’s unique take, leaving you with a bizarre hodgepodge of character that’s barely connected to their core tenets. See Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice to see what I’m getting at.

I don’t subscribe to the belief that I have to enjoy films above all else when there are a plethora of other mediums in which I can enjoy longer, fundamentally profound and exceptionally crafted stories. I think patience and investment in a story is something that’s undervalued in a film. Granted, that depends on the film’s length, but generally, you can expect a relatively swift resolution to the film’s plot in a couple of hours.

There’s something about that which irks, the condensed nature of a film. I like things to be drawn out, I want to see how the passage of time affects a character, how their struggles are portrayed almost in real time. The trade off is sometimes television and comics can get sidetracked with filler and expansive back story, but more times than not it is the context and how the character’s react to situations detached from the main arc of the their story that enhances the potency of the show or series at large.

Despite all this, I still really wanna see Tenet. I’m interested in Christopher’s Nolan’s work and his latest venture looks to be even more of a mind bender than the legendary and confusing masterpiece that is Inception. But in the meantime, I am more than happy sifting through my comic book and novel collection and vast repertoire of tv shows to satiate my imagination. Anything’s better than vacuuming the carpet shop.

That’s a wrap,
CD

Origins Are Overrated

HERE’S A QUESTION for you all: What is your favourite super hero origin?

Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.

Right, now answer me this: What is your favourite super hero story?

Okay, once you’ve had a good thinkin’ session, think some more about how your answers relate to each other.

Unless your answer to both questions was Spider-Man 2, chances are your choice of origin and favourite story didn’t match up at all, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. Yet what I do think is this: In the grand scheme of things, superhero origins don’t matter.

I mean, they matter a little. A bit of context and motivation never hurt anybody. But the origin shouldn’t be the make or break of a character: What comes after the origin is the truly interesting part. I believe a character should be defined by their actions in the present, whether or nor they’re influenced by the events of their past.

The two super hero origins which I believe are evidence to the contrary are the origins of Spider-Man and Batman. These origins both involve an anonymous criminal and a young boy suffering the loss of a parental figure (or two) which motivates and shapes the rest of their life, either spurning them to maintain a code of great responsibility or learn karate so they can beat up a murderous clown.

But look at any other superhero origin and try to convince me it has the same level of emotional impact. 

Yes, Superman was rocketed off his exploding planet, but then he lands in Kansas and is raised by farmers! Boring!

Green Lantern gets a magic ring from a dying alien and receives his powers on the spot. Snore!

Moon Knight nearly dies but decides to get back on the horse and become the personal hit man of a moon god. Cool, I guess.

While these other origins nearly always involve death or a last minute reinvention and a call to action, they’re not all that exciting. That’s why you’ll see these origins being retreaded countless times to add some extra beef to them. But I’m telling ya, it ain’t all that necessary.

Another counterpoint that can be raised is the coming of age story. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is a fantastic origin story for Miles Morales which outshines his comic book origin by, well, miles. But that origin has the advantage of A) Being the focal point of the entire movie and B) Playing upon the well-established origin of original recipe Spider-Man. It has the advantage of a strong foundation and a movie format. A lot of super hero origins do not have that luxury. Sure, Shazam! was a good enough movie, but a kid who can turn into a super hero by saying a magic word is more of a novel and amusing concept than a tragic backstory.

Some super heroes don’t even need origins. Because they were born with their powers and have kicked ads since the beginning. Does the name “Wolverine” mean anything to you? He went for years without having one and we all know what happened when one was finally written for him (2011 was a bad time for us all). Hell, the entirety of the X-Men don’t even have a proper ‘origin’. All you need to know is they were born different, they go to school, and fight evil.

Origins don’t even matter in real life, people! Do you ever stop and look at your best friend and wonder “Gee, what a great guy. I wonder what the exact circumstances of his life were that led him to become this exact type of person.” If you do think that, you’re weird. You should just be happy that they’re a cool dude you can hang out with and not define them by the sum of all their past experiences. That’s for them to do. All you have to do is decide to like them in the moment. 

So the next time you sit down to watch Batman’s parents die for the one thousandth time, think about your other favourites and ask yourself why you like them. 

Is it because of their heavy and comprehensive backstory or is it because of what they do in the present moment, regardless of where or what they may have come from? Food fro thought.

Basically, what I’m saying is don’t obsess over the joys of an IKEA instruction manual; Enjoy the Lommarp in its completed state and all the fun you can have with it.

But what about super villain origins? Don’t even get me started. I’ll save that for another post. Until then, I’ll catch ya next week!

RIP Uncle Ben,

CD

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – The Nexus of Pop Culture

IT’S NINJA TIME!

For too long, the heroes in a half shell have gone unnoticed on this blog. This makes no sense in the slightest, due to their persistent presence in popular culture since the 1980s, so believe me, it was only a matter of time before I got to talking about the lean green fighting machines. I believe it was Jake Peralta himself who once said “I’m gonsta talk about the turtles.”

In terms of Crazy Davis, the TMNT have been an impenetrable bastion of fun, entertainment and inspiration in my life since I was 3 years old. Never before has a franchise endured so much adulation from yours truly or perfectly represented the foundations of my very soul.

The tenets which bind the core of the franchise to my essence have lead me to live my life by the values that the terrapin tribe of four posess. Conveniently, they can be summarised by a verse in their 2003 television show, an obvious favourite of mine.

ONE: Live by the code of the martial arts

TWO: Never fight unless someone else starts

THREE: Always stick together no matter what

FOUR: If all else fails then it’s time to kick butt!

Is that not just the most universally applicable philosophy for all aspects of your life? You bet your bippy it is.

Not only do the TMNT effortlessly bleed into real life with their ubiquitous way-of-life, but they also blend into other franchises so well you don’t even bat an eyelid when you see them in an issue of the X-Files comic.

They’ve had crossovers with the Ghostbusters.

They’ve had crossovers with the Power Rangers.

They’ve had crossovers with frickin’ BATMAN.

There is no one the Turtles can’t touch. Their reach is nigh infinite.

I’m sure you’re wondering what the point of this post is right about now. I am too, in a way. But maybe that is the point. Maybe the TMNT are such a novel concept that they bind the very fabric of the universe together. I don’t see any other logical explanation. Seriously. Because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles defy logic too.

Just picture it; How do you think a pitch would go for a serious, Frank Miller-esque, violent story about ninjas in New York that are fucking turtles? Ninjas are well known for their speed, their swift motions and instantly vanishing into the night. Turtles are well known for chewing leaves very slowly.

But despite the sheer, baffling absurdity of this premise, they have survived to this day. They continue to stay relevant. Whether its through the baffling nature of the idea alone or the fact that they constantly receive fresh updates every few years.

They’ve been to space.

They’ve been mystical ninjitsu dragons.

They’ve been on a live musical tour with denim jackets instead of shells and fake guitars (please don’t ask).

So you see, I love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And why I can’t force you to love them like I do (because you can’t), I can at least make you understand how much they mean not only to me, but to pop culture and the world at large. At the end of the day, no matter what trouble you find yourself in, the turtles will always have your back. As the saying goes:

“Time to apply some turtle whacks!”

Hmmm. That might not be the best quote to—Ah, whatever. You get the idea.

Shell Yeah,
CD

What’s the Deal with Sidekicks?

WHY DO PEOPLE love superheroes?

Well, I’m assuming you at least have a passing interest in them, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. If you’re here anyway, welcome to a maddening world of fantastical worlds, compelling characters and colourful spandex.

Superheroes represent a better side of humanity, one which I’m sure we’d all love to strive towards. In universe, the innocent civilians looks up to them as invincible saviours in a world constantly under threat.

Yet how many times have superheroes proved they aren’t invincible? How many times have we seen a superhero die? Yes, they can be brought back from the dead at the drop of a hat, which is an unfortunate consequence of the genre. However, there are other ways a hero can be down for the count. What about when they want to retire? O when they grow to be physically incapable of leaping buildings in a single bound and have to settle for hopping over a little dollhouse or something? That’s where the sidekick comes in.

Sidekicks get a pretty bad rap for being amateur versions of the mainline heroes and are dismissed as such. But as discussed in my last post , Robin, the original sidekick proves sidekicks are every bit as valid (if not more.) as any superhero.

In fact, the term sidekick is almost an archaic term in modern superhero stories. Mainly because the sidekicks have all grown up since their first appearance and have become heroes in their own right. In fact, the word has become a derogatory term willfully enforcing the idea that they are lesser than their superhero mentors

Okay, but what should we call them?

 

 

Young Justice is a peerless example of taking the sidekick concept and absolutely tearing it down and building it back up again. While DC has always been at the forefront of putting teenagers on the front lines, Young Justice decides enough is enough, it’s time the ‘sidekicks’ were put in the limelight, not a laser sight. A team of young heroes tied to their respective mentors but operating independently is such a refreshing and unique way to channel the effectiveness of the sidekick concept. By playing upon your knowledge of the main superheroes, it focuses on their pupils, their disciples, who represent their emotional human side. Because who’s more emotional than a teenager?

Another very important thing that Young Justice taps into is the idea of legacy. In fact, DC comics in general are all about legacy. Marvel less so, but we’ll get to that. A fair amount of DC superheroes have their proteges i.e. Superman has Superboy, Batman has Robin and The Flash has Kid Flash. Both master and apprentice have similar powers and skill-sets and it is expected that eventually, the apprentice will surpass their teacher and either inherit their identity i.e. Wally West ‘graduating’ to the Flash, or they forge an entirely new one i.e. Robin becoming Nightwing.

Through these two methods, new heroes are constantly being raised and trained to ensure someone’s left to protect the world and a generation of heroes always persists. Legacy heroes sometimes don’t even involve a familial relationship or even a master an apprentice one, such is the case between characters like Blue Beetle and Green Lantern, who have had multiple people of multiple ages hold the superhero identity across the years.

As a side note, Marvel differs in that there is usually no inheritance of a title or previous state as sidekick. The chief counterpoint to this is probably Bucky, who was basically introduced as Marvel’s answer to Robin and then killed him a few decades later in 1968 as a potential stab at DC about the dangers of teen sidekicks (only took DC two decades to kill Robin, so message received?). But generally, I have found that Marvel isn’t hasty in making its heroes bequeath their superhero identities to successors for very long. The longest standing example I can think of is Captain Marvel, who had to be Miss Marvel for many years until the male Captain Marvel died and she was ‘allowed’ to take his name.

Generally, Marvel hasn’t needed to employ the use of children to assist the adult superhero because they just cut out the middleman and make the superhero a teen to start with. Spider-Man was a teen when he started and he’s been steadily growing ever since. Instead of proposing legacy titles for younger heroes to work towards, Marvel tends to have its younger heroes have unique identities or straight up take the name of their older counterparts and just share them, which I personally believe isn’t as effective in marking them as distinct characters, but that’s just me.

Whether you enjoy your mainstream heroes more or their teenage offshoots, one can’t deny that they’re all still super in their own way. While the young ‘uns may be beset with teen angst, immature humour and derivative costumes, at the end of the day they still share plenty in common with their older counterparts. In a way, they’re more refreshing and authentic than some of your more morose superheroes. As Artemis and Robin once said to the android hero Red Tornado, who wanted to learn how to become more human:
“You couldn’t do that with the League. They’re stiffs”
“You’re sure not going to learn emotion from Batman. Trust me.”
I’ve learnt many wonderful emotions from the younger side of superhero antics. And I’ll continue to rely on them for more emotionally resonant stories than I’m ever gonna get from the likes of Batman. No offense, the guy is a bit of a stiff.

Well, that wraps up another long winded yarn. Definitely played a little loose with the structure just so I could better express how I feel about sidekicks without adhering to any strict conventions of writing blog posts. When has Crazy Davis ever followed the rules?

Speaking of structure, the roof is leaking again. Damn rats in the roof again. I’m gonna go cave their heads in with a rolled up Siberian Special Winter Mat. Don’t worry though, I’ll wash it off once I’m done and when I sell it to you, you won’t even know the difference!

Through Being Cool,
CD.